Dueling lyrics; Ben Folds vs. Boldface Liar


All apologies to Ben Folds

Ben’s lyrics are in regular face and within quotations and my story is in bold face.

His name is Ben Folds not bold face.

Mi mi mi me me! (clearing my throat)

Well I thought about the army
Dad said, son you’re fucking high”

Mothers and Fathers may I have your attention;

If you’re trying to find your son or daughter a great career then consider the art of boil-sucking.

And I thought, yeah there’s a first for everything
So I took my old man’s advice
It was only three sad semesters
only 15 grand spent in bed”

In the last decade, I was a certified, as well as a very professional boil-sucker.

It was easy and lucrative and I got to play a lot of golf. For the most part my services were appreciated, although the profession was under the eye of the government and there was a lot of compliance work. I won a lot of prizes and got to attend mucho conventions.

I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead”

It was at one of these here conventions out in Vegas that I saw my first Elvis impersonators….. and my life has never been the same, baby.

“Grew a mustache and a mullet
Got a job at chick-fil-a
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May”

Elvis impersonator Duane was so bad and very entertaining combined. He made me and everybody in his presence feel good about themselves. Right then and there I decided to be the best Elvis like entertainer ever, thank you so much everybody you’ve been so kind.

And in June reformed without me
And they’d got a different name
I nuked another grandma’s apple pie
And hung my head in shame.”

So I went to Graceland. I listen, watched, and read everything about the King of Rock and Roll. My wardrobe of white silk and sequins was the envy of everyone in the business. My only problem was gett’n any gigs.

Been thinking a lot today

Oh, I think I’ll write a screenplay
Oh, I think I’ll take it to LA
Oh, I think I’ll get it done yesterday”

No one, not anybody really appreciated my performances except Lola. More on Lola later ….. much later; read my blog.

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God please spare me more rejection
’cause my peers they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels”

So, to make a long and wonderful story short, I went back to being a boil-sucker and I was a good one. I make a lot of money and things, and I drive a Big Ass Cadillac.

I’ve been thinking a lot today
I’ve been thinking a lot today
I’ve been thinking a lot today
I thought about the army…


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